Lost

It is definitely so hard to forget someone that has been always there.. i try and try.. but every morning the first thing it comes to my mind is still her.. it makes my heart bleeds... it make my mind numb... i just want to cry yet i couldnt find tears.. i tell myself it's over le.. she no longer have the same feelings for me but i dunno why i still cant bear to let go... so what i love her so much? Can she feels it? Does she needs it?

All these years of friendship and love, i cant just leave it to become memories.. they are memories that leave me with so much of unwantedness... i longed to be with her... yet she has already given me up.. i asked myself every morning.. what exactly has happened? what caused the end of this relationship? i put the blame on myself.. i put the blame on her.. but in the end, the feeings i got is not guilty for not being gd enough for her or even hatred for her for giving me up. What i felt is always the heartbroken feeling.. the sadness.. the unbearable pain of losing someone.. it is such a terrible feeling that i have to force myself to bear with it... i wish i can cry out... i wish that cry will make me feel better even if it's just temporaily. But i cant cry.. i forced myself again and again... i just dun seem to be able to let out everything..

i dunno how many more mornings that i have to face with the same thoughts and feelings again... it is something that is unavoidable even if i wan to. i dunno how much longer i have to hold on even if i know i must..

i need to be alone.. i try to shut myself up... nv go sch.. nv study... nv bother abt those who have been concern abt me.. bing qiang called and msg alot of times... jl called me as well... but i just told them that i need to be alone.. i dun think i am able to face them for now... cos everytime i see them, i may not be able to hold back my feelings and start to tell them abt my sadness. All these only caused them to feel worried abt me.. i really need to learn to keep my feelings to myself... No point adding to another person's misery since it's my problem...

i guess... i will be all right soon...