What exactly are feelings?

I always hate the feeling when I am interested in a girl.. Yes! the dreadful feeling is terrible yet I have to admit its so amazing..

Known her for 9 months.. well, she was not someone who was close to me. We barely know each other though it was just a block away at my workplace. I knew her through a fren, since then I have only met her for a few times. And most of the times we just smile at each other and walk away. She was definitely not the girl I was looking for at that point of time.


But feelings are always so amazing. It just comes and goes, and I really dunno how to handle it well.. maybe that why I am not good when it comes to relationship. I become interested in her. Ya, the feeling to know her better get stronger as the day goes by. Sadly, I dare not make the effort to get her no as I am uncertain of myself when it comes to relationship. I am always good at the start but bad as the relationship get longer. Haiz. why am I someone like that?

It dragged for so many months and I dunno if its just by chance or called fate, I managed to get her no. At that point of time, its when the feeling start to come. The urge to know her is so terribly strong that I dunno how to react. I know myself that I will be making the same mistake again and true enough, I guess I did.

Haha.. I actually tell her I am interested in her after a few days msging each other. The typical me again.. The only difference I guess is cos she actually confide in me her feelings which I felt she was so close to me at that point of time. Haiz.. I dunno wat I was doing.. really. I am certain I really interested in her but I dunno her character well enough.


I asked her out to watch movies and yup, she agreed. haha.. Seem like I have a chance right? but haha, I guess not. Well.. I dunno if it will always be like that, but I have to say that I am friend-zoned.. haha. this was an interesting term her fren use on me. (we bumped into her fren and she was so stunned.. kind of make me feel embarrassed)And sadly, I agreed with her fren. Maybe she feels that we barely know each other, so being fren is better which I have to admit is correct of her to feel that way. But because of my character again, I have to admit that I am very sad and disappointed. ya, that's the me which I hate myself to be. I have never been a good guy, a guy who love a girl and expect nothing from her. I am really a failure at this.

Nevertheless, the time spent tgt with her was both good and bad. haha. Comfortable with her at times and yet not comfortable with her at other times. I guess I will keep this part to myself. But I have to say maybe we are not really suitable for each other after all.

Haiz, the most difficult part now is I dunno wat to do. really dunno wat to do. If u will to tell me that since we are not suitable, I should move on and find someone suitable, I clearly understood. This is something that I know myself and have been telling myself. But why my feelings going against me? Y do I still feel so attracted to her? Even going through all the uncomfortable part in our meeting, I still feel so hard to let my feelings go. Just because she "rejected" me in a nice way and I am not satisfied with the outcome so I cling on to it? how terrible a person I am. I feel so bad.

Haiz.. now I guess all I can say is that I continue to think about her. my feelings always win my mind.. and I really hate it.

Listening to sad song

我们带着谁的戒指,代表着妥协还是固执
铭心刻骨,已成为历史,敌不过无名指
我已不能,再拥抱你
爱一个人是,多么奢侈
幸福喜悦还没开始
这离别得悲剧,已成往事
爱你不会往事

I dunno wat type of girl she is.. But from my first impression of her on the TV, I simply have the urge to know her better.

She is slim and long haired, the sort of type I go for
She doesn't have amazing looks, yet is the kind that I like
She have the smile, that seem to hide a little of her shyness
She has the eyes that look into you with feelings


But are all these real?
Is she really how she is?
Does she really behave the way she presented herself?
And how am I going to know all the truth?

If only I have the chance to know her...

Haha.. its just a fairy tale dream after all...

A Trip with a Treat

That's how it went..

Singapore to Frankfurt
Frankfurt to New York Kennedy (JFK)
JFY to Norfolk, Chesapeake

36 hours in airports... This is the first time that I fly so far across the seas.. and sleep alone in a comfortable hotel room.. haha!!!

Lovely memories with lot of food and shopping..

Walmart, Target, Cosco, Applebee, Pho97, Captain George, Cheesecake Factory and so on

Williamburg Outlet, Mahattan, Macy, Dillard and so on...

Just for You.. ;)

In a blink of an eye, it had already been another few months.

Well...

There will no longer be "Homework" nor "Exam Stress" for me le!!! =)
But what awaits me is now... "Workload" and "Tiredness" =(

Yup!!! I am currently a working adult, or so called someone with hardly any time for social life. Haha.. Weekends simply fly pass like rocket while weekdays.... (I guess I dun need say also many ppl will agree with me) LOLX

Sometimes ppl like me really contradicting ourselves... When I am a student, I will hope to start work soon.. But now when I am working, once a while I just hope to get back being a student.. But I guess this is hardly possible le...

Anyway,

This post is for someone special.. or I should say specially for someone like you.. LOL


Firstly, hope you are have been well all these while.. Seem like you have been travelling and working hard.. So JIAYOU at work and enjoy doubly HARD during hols..

Secondly, someone like you who seem easily "prone to sickness or injuries", should really take good care of yourself.. Cramps, Headache, Gastric Pains, Toes injured or dunno what.. LOL.. Seem like you need extra protection..

Thirdly, really hope you will walk out of all the problems you faced in relationship. Look at me.. I am able to walk out of all these.. and I am sure you can too. =) you should stay positive and happy always.

Fourthly, stop being BAD to yourself.. or blame yourself for all the things... There are still ppl who care abt you.. If there isn't (which is 100% cannot be true), then the more you should treasure yourself more than anybody..

Lastly, hope after seeing this post, you will feel better in whatever you do or think.. haha... Gambateh PIG!!! =)

Finally..

A lovely post should end with a little melody...

Summer has come and passed
Seven years have gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends... =)

A new blog style... A new beginning... What the future awaits nobody know. But destiny is in our hands. We shall pave the way for your future!!!! What is LOVE????

Sometimes the longer you hold on to something, the more difficult it is to let go... Every little bit of memories, be it happy or sad, tend to linger deep within your mind and soul... The more you yearn for it, the further you drift away from reality.

No matter how much it matter to you, how heartbroken you may feel or even how much tears you have shed.. there will surely be a time, when you will be enlightened once again, whereby you will learn to be brave... and everything become reality... and you will finally feel no loneliness...

This will be the time where you will truly be happy... and everyone who care about you feel happy for you.. take care pls

It has really been so long since I write a post... =)

Yup!!! I shall say everything is over now... For you and for me, everything is now the past... I let go of mine and I guess you also let go of yours.. So now is a brand new day for us.. haha

Though I am not used to being alone, I will slowly get used to it.. LOL.. Two weeks in a row I have tried watching movie alone and the feelings turn out to be all right.. haha.. I shall continue to watch alone..

Tomorrow is Valentine Day... so I shall wish both my ex-s a Happy Valentine Day... Hope you two are doing fine... I am just not good to the both of you.. Hope you two will find your happiness soon.. =)

Meanwhile, I shall not be getting myself into love trap again. I guess I am just not prepared to be in one yet.. haha... But I seem to be getting into flirting or dating apps.. Jialat!!!